I cant believe its the 17 March 2010 already. Not long before my IVF. And I am so excited, cause I spoke to DrVS last week after having sent him my endometrial biopsy results and discussed with him my concern of extremely heavy AF on day 2 and clots as well, and he suggested we do a lap for endometriosis as well as a hysteroscopy for fibroids. I am excited because I need to know that everything is ok, or that he will fix them so that the field will be A grade for sowing the seed, in our case the embryo. He said that it will cause no delay in my IVF, so I assume i can start immediately after that, meaning beginning of April, or end of April the latest.
Besides the IVF, there are going to be some other changes in our lives. Changes I have been so looking forward for the last 7 years, yet this is the year we feel is the right time to carry them out. I have been given full intructions by dh to not discuss anything untill the deal is done. Possibly month end I can give a hint, but till then the zip is closed. Wouldnt want anything going wrons as there is so much at stake. I hate secrets, and this situation is making me feel a bit uncomfortable, as usually I go and spill the beans, I can never keep a secret. But this time I fully understand I have to. So its just a bit longer to keep it to myself.....Argggg, the next 2 weeks better go by fast!!!
To wrap it all up, if both the IVF as well as the deal is succesful, our lives will turn 180deg for the better. I am so excited.
One thing I have realised since last week, I am so so excited about this IVF, just as I was for the first one. I must say the 1 1/2 year break since my last miscarriage has really helped me put my thoughts, feelings, depression in perspective. I have weened myself off the antidepressants since last year, and the best part of it all, I have been antibiotic free since last year June!! YAYYYYYYY! I have have had my urine tested on a number of occasions, and I am please to say no growth!!! That is why I am so excited about this IVF. I have such a great chance of bringing home a healthy live baby. But I must always say "God Willingly!", if this IVF is succesful, I might be a mommy by end of December or January 2011.
And the third change now. We are busy renovating our house. We are having all our ceiling boards replaced and the walls painted. Then hopefully it will still be hot, and I can call the carpet cleaners. And hopefully will get my dishwasher before month end, cause #1 spend lots of time in day washing dishes, #2 Save water and electricity #3 have nice shiny cutlery & crockery.
I have gotten my groove back, I am so happy, excited, blessed. Through all the problems we have encountered with resession, miscarriages, I can honestly say that God has been really good to me, to my dh, to our family. Through all the challenges, somehow, somewhere, something always happens and I know God has pulled through for us.
Till the next update
xx
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas Everyone
To all my friends, Merry Christmas. Today we celebrate the Birthday of Jesus Our Saviour, Our King. I pray that He reveals many blessings over the next few days to all of you a fills your homes with all his wonderful gifts, but most importantly love, health and lots of friends and family to share His gifts with.
May the New Year 2010 be the best year ever!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I am turning 30
On Thursday, I am turning 30........Damn old if you ask me.
Besides the fact I am entering this miserable number of a age, I still feel like a spring chicken
I used to be the youngest in the family a couple of years ago. I used to be 18, when my SIL and BIL where 25/26 and had their first kid. My dh was 23 at the time. Then while everyone else progressed in their 30's, I was still in my early 20's...........and on Thursday I turn 30. I hate the number, but I feel great, I feel still young full of energy and spontaneity.
I used to celebrate my b-day and rip my SIL and BIL off that they were old while I was still, um.... a spring chicken. But the last 2 years has been a different story. The reason is because the 10th of December 2008 was the due date of our second baby - Ioanna-Maria. A beautiful baby I never managed to take home as she died inside of me at 24w, so we signed off forms at hospital to have her cremated (or so I believe).
Why do I question the fact that she was cremated? Cause if any of you have read the newspapers and have read or heard about the medical waste dumped at Maximus Bricks in Welkom.....well maybe my baby was part of that medical waste that was not profitable enough for those pathetic example of human beings to have cremated/burned. It disgusts me to see what length a so called “human being” will go to for extra cash in his bank account. I pray God finds forgiveness for you losers.
So friends instead of wishing me Happy B-Day on Thursday, I would prefer you say a prayer for both my babies and if you can light a candle for them either at church or at home, I would really appreciate it.
Besides the fact I am entering this miserable number of a age, I still feel like a spring chicken
I used to be the youngest in the family a couple of years ago. I used to be 18, when my SIL and BIL where 25/26 and had their first kid. My dh was 23 at the time. Then while everyone else progressed in their 30's, I was still in my early 20's...........and on Thursday I turn 30. I hate the number, but I feel great, I feel still young full of energy and spontaneity.
I used to celebrate my b-day and rip my SIL and BIL off that they were old while I was still, um.... a spring chicken. But the last 2 years has been a different story. The reason is because the 10th of December 2008 was the due date of our second baby - Ioanna-Maria. A beautiful baby I never managed to take home as she died inside of me at 24w, so we signed off forms at hospital to have her cremated (or so I believe).
Why do I question the fact that she was cremated? Cause if any of you have read the newspapers and have read or heard about the medical waste dumped at Maximus Bricks in Welkom.....well maybe my baby was part of that medical waste that was not profitable enough for those pathetic example of human beings to have cremated/burned. It disgusts me to see what length a so called “human being” will go to for extra cash in his bank account. I pray God finds forgiveness for you losers.
So friends instead of wishing me Happy B-Day on Thursday, I would prefer you say a prayer for both my babies and if you can light a candle for them either at church or at home, I would really appreciate it.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
21 November - Baby Mary 2 Years gone but not forgotten
Last week Saturday was our first baby girls 2 year anniversary away from us. It was a day I never fail to think about from the moment I wake up, till the moment I fall asleep. Thankfully, I kept myself busy all day and didn’t have the time to feel sorry for myself. Not that I want to forget my baby. But I feel the pain every single day. There is no use sitting and crying and depressing myself more.
I remember going to DrF my gyne on Tuesday 20th of November 2007 cause I saw a thin streak of blood in my discharge. After doing an external scan, he said nothing was wrong. I then put a speculum to have a look, and all I remember is he looked up at me with wide eyes and shock in his face. He went on to tell me I was 1cm dilated at 17w. He called for a wheelchair to take me to maternity ward and scheduled to have a rescue cerclage placed at 12pm the same day. When I came out of theatre, I remember him telling dh that in those few hours, I had already dilated 10cm. He placed the cerclage and said everything went well. We were waiting for my cervix to start closing on its own to perform another cerclage latter and keep it nicely closed.
The following day, Wednesday 21st November, I felt like a big gush of discharge came out while I was in the trendelenburg position. After wiping with a tissue, I saw LOTS of blood. I called the nurses to call DrF. He told them to tell me to relax and that there isn’t a possibility of anything going wrong as the rescue cerclage went well the previous day. Needless to say, after a few hours sitting there and bleeding, the nurses where just reassuring me. DrF arrived in the evening after all his consultations and requested I be brought to the room with the sonar. After performing the sonar he said my amniotic membranes where protruding, and that it was just a matter of time before my membranes ruptured. Well that part of what he said was true. Within half an hour I felt the big gush of amniotic fluid just rush out of me. I was rushed to the delivery room, where DrF arrived once again to examine and give instructions. The nurses took over and told me to push, and after a few failed attempts, they stuck their hands in to try and pull the baby out. Eventually after a couple of minutes trying, they manages to get our baby out.
Even though she was small, she was perfect in every sense. All her features, eyes, nose, lips, fingers and toes where just PERFECT. She had her daddy's long toes and fingers. We named her Mary and she was stillborn at 10:48pm weighing only 155g at 17w.
After that, due to the huge amount of blood loss, I was rushed to the theatre where DrF came once again to remove the placenta and perform a D&C. The next couple of days I was in limbo land. All I remember is refusing a blood transfusion, so the specialist came and prescribed an iron drip to help increase my iron levels.
DH and I went through so much pain the next couple of weeks. It’s so hard seeing your husband crying because of the pain you caused him just because my body could not keep our baby in and keep her safe.
Two years since this day, the pain has not gone away. But it has definitely become softer and easier to deal with.
Baby girl, we will remember you every single day of our lives until we meet again. Love you lots Mommy&Daddy.
I remember going to DrF my gyne on Tuesday 20th of November 2007 cause I saw a thin streak of blood in my discharge. After doing an external scan, he said nothing was wrong. I then put a speculum to have a look, and all I remember is he looked up at me with wide eyes and shock in his face. He went on to tell me I was 1cm dilated at 17w. He called for a wheelchair to take me to maternity ward and scheduled to have a rescue cerclage placed at 12pm the same day. When I came out of theatre, I remember him telling dh that in those few hours, I had already dilated 10cm. He placed the cerclage and said everything went well. We were waiting for my cervix to start closing on its own to perform another cerclage latter and keep it nicely closed.
The following day, Wednesday 21st November, I felt like a big gush of discharge came out while I was in the trendelenburg position. After wiping with a tissue, I saw LOTS of blood. I called the nurses to call DrF. He told them to tell me to relax and that there isn’t a possibility of anything going wrong as the rescue cerclage went well the previous day. Needless to say, after a few hours sitting there and bleeding, the nurses where just reassuring me. DrF arrived in the evening after all his consultations and requested I be brought to the room with the sonar. After performing the sonar he said my amniotic membranes where protruding, and that it was just a matter of time before my membranes ruptured. Well that part of what he said was true. Within half an hour I felt the big gush of amniotic fluid just rush out of me. I was rushed to the delivery room, where DrF arrived once again to examine and give instructions. The nurses took over and told me to push, and after a few failed attempts, they stuck their hands in to try and pull the baby out. Eventually after a couple of minutes trying, they manages to get our baby out.
Even though she was small, she was perfect in every sense. All her features, eyes, nose, lips, fingers and toes where just PERFECT. She had her daddy's long toes and fingers. We named her Mary and she was stillborn at 10:48pm weighing only 155g at 17w.
After that, due to the huge amount of blood loss, I was rushed to the theatre where DrF came once again to remove the placenta and perform a D&C. The next couple of days I was in limbo land. All I remember is refusing a blood transfusion, so the specialist came and prescribed an iron drip to help increase my iron levels.
DH and I went through so much pain the next couple of weeks. It’s so hard seeing your husband crying because of the pain you caused him just because my body could not keep our baby in and keep her safe.
Two years since this day, the pain has not gone away. But it has definitely become softer and easier to deal with.
Baby girl, we will remember you every single day of our lives until we meet again. Love you lots Mommy&Daddy.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Where is my faith?
Today I stayed home and had a "deep" conversation with my mom. My mom is one of the sweetest woman I know. She is a peoples pleaser, she sacrifices her entire self to help, serve others, and more importantly her family. My mom is a SAINT in every meaning of the word. She has never back chatted anyone, she has never done any harm to anyone. I love her very much and pray that I can fulfil both my parents dream of becoming grandparents one day soon.
My mom has too suffered multiple miscarriages in both 2nd and 3rd trimesters. All in all she has suffered 6 miscarriages. Five before my birth, and one after me. Funny enough, they where all boys. So from this you can only imagine her pain seeing me her flesh and blood experience one miscarriage after the other, reliving her own pain multiplied by 10.
Today’s topic of conversation was "Where is my faith................in the Drs or in God?". The conversation was started by my mom wanting to give me knitting lessons today to make a babies blanket. She continued if it’s one baby, we will need one blankie, and if its twins we will need to knit 2 blankies. I replied telling her, what is the chance I can pull of a twin pregnancy, when I can’t even pull of a singleton? My mom is a great philosopher. And when she gets into one of those moods, oh boy, she can carry on forever. She placed her hands on the table, raised her eye brow, and lowered her glasses.
Her reply was simple. If your faith is in God, you can have triplets or even quadruplets. She is spot on correct. Yes we seek help from Drs to fall pregnant, for an op to be successful, to cure a stiff neck, or a irritating cough, and to prevent us having a miscarriage. I am so guilty of this as I have relied on the Drs to sort out all my congenital problems But we have to believe in God, because he is the One working miracles through the Drs. The Drs are nothing without Him.
On this road of mine through multiple operations and miscarriages, I can honestly say that the Drs who have given grace to God, have had a greater success than those who have not. In my whole medical history there have only been two Drs who have done this.
#1 Dr Van Schouwenburg at Medfem, when I fell pregnant for the first time in June/July 2007, I thanked him and hugged him. His reply was “Don’t thank me, thank God, I am only his servant to help you work his miracle” What a wonderful, humble man this Dr is. I love him to bits. I believe this Dr has had more success rates than other Drs because of his faith.
#2 Prof Schalk Wentzel the urologist at Universitas Hopsital. This Dr had the guts to operate and removed the bladder diverticulum (2009) left behind by the first urologist who worked on me in 2004. It is believed that this has been the cause of my miscarriages, but definitely was the cause of my recurrent bladder infections after the major op in 2004. Prof Wentzel mentioned a few times that he will go to church on Sunday and pray for guidance to perform the op. After he had performed the op, he mentioned that he would keep me in his prayers for God to grant my wish and give us a baby. Great man! Lots of people are very grateful to him for having helped them out.
So ladies and gentleman, the morel of the story is BELIEVE IN GOD not in the Drs as they are mere servants of His will.
My mom has too suffered multiple miscarriages in both 2nd and 3rd trimesters. All in all she has suffered 6 miscarriages. Five before my birth, and one after me. Funny enough, they where all boys. So from this you can only imagine her pain seeing me her flesh and blood experience one miscarriage after the other, reliving her own pain multiplied by 10.
Today’s topic of conversation was "Where is my faith................in the Drs or in God?". The conversation was started by my mom wanting to give me knitting lessons today to make a babies blanket. She continued if it’s one baby, we will need one blankie, and if its twins we will need to knit 2 blankies. I replied telling her, what is the chance I can pull of a twin pregnancy, when I can’t even pull of a singleton? My mom is a great philosopher. And when she gets into one of those moods, oh boy, she can carry on forever. She placed her hands on the table, raised her eye brow, and lowered her glasses.
Her reply was simple. If your faith is in God, you can have triplets or even quadruplets. She is spot on correct. Yes we seek help from Drs to fall pregnant, for an op to be successful, to cure a stiff neck, or a irritating cough, and to prevent us having a miscarriage. I am so guilty of this as I have relied on the Drs to sort out all my congenital problems But we have to believe in God, because he is the One working miracles through the Drs. The Drs are nothing without Him.
On this road of mine through multiple operations and miscarriages, I can honestly say that the Drs who have given grace to God, have had a greater success than those who have not. In my whole medical history there have only been two Drs who have done this.
#1 Dr Van Schouwenburg at Medfem, when I fell pregnant for the first time in June/July 2007, I thanked him and hugged him. His reply was “Don’t thank me, thank God, I am only his servant to help you work his miracle” What a wonderful, humble man this Dr is. I love him to bits. I believe this Dr has had more success rates than other Drs because of his faith.
#2 Prof Schalk Wentzel the urologist at Universitas Hopsital. This Dr had the guts to operate and removed the bladder diverticulum (2009) left behind by the first urologist who worked on me in 2004. It is believed that this has been the cause of my miscarriages, but definitely was the cause of my recurrent bladder infections after the major op in 2004. Prof Wentzel mentioned a few times that he will go to church on Sunday and pray for guidance to perform the op. After he had performed the op, he mentioned that he would keep me in his prayers for God to grant my wish and give us a baby. Great man! Lots of people are very grateful to him for having helped them out.
So ladies and gentleman, the morel of the story is BELIEVE IN GOD not in the Drs as they are mere servants of His will.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Brief Intro
Johnny and I have been together since 1998, we were 22 and 18 at the time. We started dating about a month after meeting. It just took one look to change everything, but that’s a whole story for another day.
Johnny proposed on the 13th of June 2001, and we got married on the 13th September 2003. The "proposal" too is a whole fairytale for another day.
As you will get to know me better, you will realise that Johnny and I are so truly blessed to have found each other. We are a perfect match in every sense of the word. We have been through so much that it's a miracle and Gods will that we have made it this far, still married, still very much in love.
J not only is my "Buddy", he is my hubby, my lover, my business partner, my accountant, my boss. He is my big Teddy Bear. Our lives are so complicatedly, intertwined in a perfect pretzel.
When we got married, I was 23 and he 27 at the time. We started TTC right from day 1. My health wasn’t great at the time as I was suffering from recurrent kidney infections. I was admitted in hospital at least twice a month for kidney infections. My GP finally figured out that there must be some anatomical problem with me and we could not really blame it on the "honeymoon" syndrome. The urologist after running a number of tests and x-rays concluded that I was born with a very rare condition. I had an ectopic ureter connected to the left kidney. A whole duplicated kidney system. I underwent a major op on the 19th of May 2004 to remove this duplicated portion and remove any damaged tissue.
It took 3 months to fully recover from the op. The great outcome was that I have never experience a kidney infection since. YAY!!! You won’t believe what a relief this is. No more pain! This gave us the green light to TTC again.
My urologist and GP referred me to DrF to seek fertility treatment, as he had compassion to IF couples due to his own struggle with his wife. In 2005, DrF diagnosed me having stage 2 endometriosis after a laparoscopy.
Johnny and I decided over night to emigrate to Greece for a year and see if we would make it there. After a very eventful year, we returned to South Africa in April 2006, and went straight to DrF for strict fertility treatment. After a few timed medicated cycles, he diagnosed me with a uterine fibroid and performed a myomectomy to remove it August 2006. We went through a few more unsuccessful medicated AI cycles. In 2007, he referred us to Dr VS at Medfem for IVF, as there was nothing more that he could do for us.
Johnny proposed on the 13th of June 2001, and we got married on the 13th September 2003. The "proposal" too is a whole fairytale for another day.
As you will get to know me better, you will realise that Johnny and I are so truly blessed to have found each other. We are a perfect match in every sense of the word. We have been through so much that it's a miracle and Gods will that we have made it this far, still married, still very much in love.
J not only is my "Buddy", he is my hubby, my lover, my business partner, my accountant, my boss. He is my big Teddy Bear. Our lives are so complicatedly, intertwined in a perfect pretzel.
When we got married, I was 23 and he 27 at the time. We started TTC right from day 1. My health wasn’t great at the time as I was suffering from recurrent kidney infections. I was admitted in hospital at least twice a month for kidney infections. My GP finally figured out that there must be some anatomical problem with me and we could not really blame it on the "honeymoon" syndrome. The urologist after running a number of tests and x-rays concluded that I was born with a very rare condition. I had an ectopic ureter connected to the left kidney. A whole duplicated kidney system. I underwent a major op on the 19th of May 2004 to remove this duplicated portion and remove any damaged tissue.
It took 3 months to fully recover from the op. The great outcome was that I have never experience a kidney infection since. YAY!!! You won’t believe what a relief this is. No more pain! This gave us the green light to TTC again.
My urologist and GP referred me to DrF to seek fertility treatment, as he had compassion to IF couples due to his own struggle with his wife. In 2005, DrF diagnosed me having stage 2 endometriosis after a laparoscopy.
Johnny and I decided over night to emigrate to Greece for a year and see if we would make it there. After a very eventful year, we returned to South Africa in April 2006, and went straight to DrF for strict fertility treatment. After a few timed medicated cycles, he diagnosed me with a uterine fibroid and performed a myomectomy to remove it August 2006. We went through a few more unsuccessful medicated AI cycles. In 2007, he referred us to Dr VS at Medfem for IVF, as there was nothing more that he could do for us.
I Believe in Angels
Hi, my name is MariaE. I am a wife to my wonderful dh, a struggling infertile, a mother to two Angels (Maria 17w - 21 November 2007, Ioanna Maria 24w - 15 August 2008) as well as a mother to a couple of animals in our "farm house".
You might be asking why the title "I believe in Angels". Well its a sad sad story, but one that will show you that there is a God and that we all get our happy ever after ending..............eventually.
The actual title of the song is "I have a dream" by Abba, but I named it "I believe in Angels". The song played in my head after I woke up from the anaesthetic on the 15th of August 2008, when DrF took me into theatre to remove my dead baby. I had'nt heard the song since I was a kid, and never payed attention to the lyrics. But after waking up humming to the song, I googled and found the lyrics.
I HAVE A DREAM by Abba http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFHbwikzNds
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
After losing my second baby, two wonderful nurses at the hospital Sr Monique and Sr McBeth bought me a wooden angel doll as a present to remember my baby girls. These two ladies have been by my side through both pregnancies and have offered me sooooo much support. Words are not enough to Thank them for their kindness and support they offerd me. They did much more than what there job title required them to do. They were humane and felt my pain. They offered their time to me to hear and feal my pain, a shoulder to cry on and shed a tear with me, a smile to try and cheer me up, comforted me with words to give me hope and to not loose faith. God bless these wonderful ladies in so many ways.
You might be asking why the title "I believe in Angels". Well its a sad sad story, but one that will show you that there is a God and that we all get our happy ever after ending..............eventually.
The actual title of the song is "I have a dream" by Abba, but I named it "I believe in Angels". The song played in my head after I woke up from the anaesthetic on the 15th of August 2008, when DrF took me into theatre to remove my dead baby. I had'nt heard the song since I was a kid, and never payed attention to the lyrics. But after waking up humming to the song, I googled and found the lyrics.
I HAVE A DREAM by Abba http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFHbwikzNds
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
After losing my second baby, two wonderful nurses at the hospital Sr Monique and Sr McBeth bought me a wooden angel doll as a present to remember my baby girls. These two ladies have been by my side through both pregnancies and have offered me sooooo much support. Words are not enough to Thank them for their kindness and support they offerd me. They did much more than what there job title required them to do. They were humane and felt my pain. They offered their time to me to hear and feal my pain, a shoulder to cry on and shed a tear with me, a smile to try and cheer me up, comforted me with words to give me hope and to not loose faith. God bless these wonderful ladies in so many ways.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
